How Person-Centred Counselling can support with transitioning through Perimenopause and Menopause
Perimenopause and Menopause are natural phases in a woman’s life bring significant hormonal changes, but they also come with emotional and psychological shifts that can feel overwhelming.
Many women experience anxiety, depression, mood swings, brain fog, sleep disturbances and loss of confidence, amongst many other symptoms. Despite the impact on their mental wellbeing, many women find that they struggle on alone and often do not speak about these symptoms and how it is impacting their lives. This is where mental health counselling plays a crucial role.
Counselling such as Person-Centred therapy can provide women with support, validation and coping strategies to help them navigate this transition. Counselling can be a powerful tool for women experiencing Perimenopause and Menopause by addressing the emotional turmoil experienced by many and can support women to take control of their mental well-being.
So, what are women going through during Perimenopause and what is it?
Perimenopause is the transitional phase before the menopause. It can last for years, and it brings fluctuating hormone levels that impact both the body and the mind. Many women find they have low mood, increased anxiety, irritability and even depression. The emotional toll of menopause is often dismissed or minimised in our society, but with education we can change attitudes, bringing acceptance and understanding.
I remember my own mum often having episodes of hot flushes, which was often dismissed by family members including myself as an uninformed teenager. Often, she would say “oh I’m really hot again, I’m going to open the window to cool down,” and we would quickly reply with “can’t you go and stand outside, we’re cold”. I look back now after having gone through the perimenopause and realise how unsupportive we were, her own family. She must have felt so isolated, misunderstood, frustrated and sad that the people close her had no concern for her wellbeing due to having so little understanding or empathy. She and many others suffered in silence, fearing judgement or misunderstanding, not just at home but also in the workplace, and even today with our increased knowledge, many still do.
It’s so important to acknowledge that many women will experience severe mental health symptoms during this transition, including myself. I went through a surgical menopause and less than two months after surgery I began to feel the effects it had on my depleting hormones. I had not been prepared for this, even in consultation with my surgeon beforehand, when making the decision to go ahead with the operation it had not been discussed as a possibility. Was this an oversight on the surgeon’s part? Was it not even considered because it was deemed irrelevant because the medical necessity was the main concern? I’ve really no idea, but what I do know is that the surgeon was female and with hindsight I’m surprised she had not warned me.
I found that I struggled to maintain my temper, within a flash I could get incredibly angry, often aware my response was disproportionate to the cause. I was aware, but unable to stop myself even if I wanted to. It was like something had taken over me, my responses were no longer rational, and I felt out of control. I felt scared, I felt alone, I felt terrible that I was lashing out at the people I loved the most, my husband and my son. My husband remained calm but asked, in fact begged me to visit my GP as he could clearly see something was wrong, he could see, even if I couldn’t, that I was not my usual bright, smiley, cheery self. So, somewhat reluctantly (I still thought it was everyone else causing my problem) I went to see my GP armed with an A4 sheet of paper on which I had written down all my symptoms, of which there was at least 30! I thought I was going insane; I wasn’t, I was going through the menopause at a dramatic speed.
My GP took one look at me, one look at the list of symptoms I had written down (and be aware, I wrote them down because I knew I would forget them once I was in the GP practice due to brain fog, which was top of my list!), and she said straight away, “This is the menopause. I think you would benefit from some HRT”. We sat and talked, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like someone understood; the relief I felt was immense. I was prescribed HRT which helped, but I also knew that talking and being listened to was something I needed more of, so I went ahead and booked some counselling sessions.
We must be aware our mental health at this stage in life is not something we can afford to ignore. We’re navigating lots of different relationships and juggling huge responsibilities. Our children might be teenagers, and their hormones mixed with ours can be a real battleground. Our partners may have little understanding of why their partner is changing before their eyes; they too may feel lost in the ‘menopausal mayhem’. Our parents are becoming elderly and may need care, which may also add pressure to our already busy lives. Add to this the pressure of holding down a job in an environment where we are mixing with people of all ages and sexes and there is likely to be more lack of understanding and tolerance. No wonder many women feel fatigued – were doing it all whilst our bodies change in remarkable ways, with many of us not fully understanding or even recognising what’s happening to us!
So how can counselling help you? Well, one of the most valuable aspects of counselling is that it offers a safe, non-judgemental space to express emotions. It allows anyone feeling isolated or unheard to really be listened to and held in a space for a period of time that solely belongs to you. Nobody else, for that period, needing anything from you. Time for you to be the real you, not partner, mum, daughter, work colleague…. just you.
You have permission to talk openly about your struggles without the fear of being dismissed. You might feel validated and supported for the first time in a long time, having the guilt of snapping at loved one’s removed because someone recognises that this might feel like the worst time in your life, where you are sleep deprived, anxious, and feeling sad because the special people in your life are unable to recognise that you need them to care about you. You might not have been ‘just you’ for years, which for some can feel scary, but mostly I like to think it’s an exciting prospect to reacquaint with yourself and discover the powerful woman within.
A counsellor can help you explore your needs, identify patterns of anxiety and depression and develop coping strategies with you. Person-Centred therapy is a proven approach to help you identify your needs, reframe negative thoughts, build resilience and regain control over your emotions by understanding your triggers. Self-esteem can be built by focusing on your strengths, embracing self-acceptance when our bodies change, and set new personal goals. Mindfulness techniques, meditation and relaxation exercises can be learned to reduce stress levels; incorporating them into daily routines can help you remain grounded and emotionally balanced. Effective communication and boundary setting can be learned to help improve relationships with partners, children and work colleagues and to nurture those connections.
Women like us should feel empowered to seek support without fear of being dismissed. Mental health counselling should and can become normalised and an encouraged part of menopause care, where women embrace this phase of life with confidence rather than fear.
Together let’s break the stigma of seeking mental health support as a menopause treatment and view it as an act of strength. Educate yourself and in doing so you might be able to educate those close to you. Prioritise self-care; exercise, eat nutritious healthy foods to feed your body and mind, sleep and enjoy relaxation techniques. Share your experiences with others, men and women. The more we talk about the menopause the more we normalise the conversation which in turn will encourage others to speak up and seek support. Let’s advocate for change in our workplaces, with healthcare providers and our communities, because if we do, we will create a more supportive environment for all.
Finally, remember that you are not alone. This period can be challenging but it can be met with confidence and strength. Invest in your well-being by reaching out to a professional for support, it might change your life.
Talk · Heal · Together
If you have been affected by this article or found yourself identifying with any of the perspectives from which I have written or would like further support with Perimenopause or Menopause please contact your GP for medical advice.
Counselling sessions with me can be booked directly on this website www.aspenmorgan.co.uk using the online booking system or by ringing 07303 054090 where I will be happy to have a chat with you to discuss your needs.
Further information can be found at:
NHS – https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause/
Menopause Support UK – https://menopausesupport.co.uk/
